Photo Credit: Gail Ackerman
by: Lori Deschene
“An honest answer is the sign of true friendship.” -Proverb
Have you ever had a lengthy conversation with someone without acknowledging
a single thing you were really thinking or feeling?
Maybe someone asked, “How are you?” And, instinctively, you said, “Fine.”
Or someone asked, “What’s new?” And your knee-jerk response was, “Not much.”
It happens all the time, with strangers and friends. I suspect we do this because we
don’t want to burden people with what’s really on our minds. And then there’s the
potential for judgment. If you express what you’re really feeling, other people may not
understand. If you communicate what’s been going on in your life, other people may
not care or be interested.
The end result is polite disconnection. We keep things simple, courteous, and
completely devoid of truth. It’s a choice to be alone together–sharing space,
but little else; connecting without really engaging.
We rob people of the opportunity to be there for us when we deny what we’re
actually feeling. We also send a message that we’re not the type of friends who
will be there for them. In order for two people to open up together, someone has to
be willing to go first.
It can be scary to speak what’s really on your mind, especially if you think the other
person has everything figured out. It feels vulnerable to admit that you don’t–but the truth is,
no one does. Not a single one of us.
A few days ago, a very kind Tiny Buddha reader offered to coach me on the phone to work
through my public speaking nerves. She asked some probing questions, as coaches often
do, and I answered candidly, forming some strong insights that I know will help me going
forward.
At the end of the call, I felt like I’d made a new friend, and it happened really simply:
She was honest with me, I was honest with her, and we met each other as equals,
each with our own strengths and weaknesses.
We’re all equals.
We’re all struggling with something.
We’re all working to let go of something.
We’re all working to embrace something else.
The world would be a far happier place if we could remember this and just be honest.
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Photo by Big Mind Zen Center
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