Tiny Wisdom: Why We’re Not Honest with Friends

Photo Credit: Gail Ackerman

by: Lori Deschene

“An honest answer is the sign of true friendship.” -Proverb

Have you ever had a lengthy conversation with someone without acknowledging 

a single thing you were really thinking or feeling?

Maybe someone asked, “How are you?” And, instinctively, you said, “Fine.” 

Or someone asked, “What’s new?” And your knee-jerk response was, “Not much.”

It happens all the time, with strangers and friends. I suspect we do this because we 

don’t want to burden people with what’s really on our minds. And then there’s the 

potential for judgment. If you express what you’re really feeling, other people may not 

understand. If you communicate what’s been going on in your life, other people may 

not care or be interested.

The end result is polite disconnection. We keep things simple, courteous, and 

completely devoid of truth. It’s a choice to be alone together–sharing space, 

but little else; connecting without really engaging.

We  rob people of the opportunity to be there for us when we deny what we’re 

actually feeling. We also send a message that we’re not the type of friends who 

will be there for them. In order for two people to open up together, someone has to 

be willing to go first.

It can be scary to speak what’s really on your mind, especially if you think the other 

person has everything figured out. It feels vulnerable to admit that you don’t–but the truth is,

 no one does. Not a single one of us.

A few days ago, a very kind Tiny Buddha reader offered to coach me on the phone to work

 through my public speaking nerves. She asked some probing questions, as coaches often 

do, and I answered candidly, forming some strong insights that I know will help me going 

forward.

At the end of the call, I felt like I’d made a new friend, and it happened really simply: 

She was honest with me, I was honest with her, and we met each other as equals, 

each with our own strengths and weaknesses.

We’re all equals. 

We’re all struggling with something. 

We’re all working to let go of something. 

We’re all working to embrace something else. 

The world would be a far happier place if we could remember this and just be honest.

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Photo by Big Mind Zen Center

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I Am There

"You cannot see me, 


...yet I am the light you see by.


You cannot hear me,


 ...yet I speak through your voice.


You cannot feel me, 


...yet I am the power at work in your hands.


I am at work, though you do not understand my ways.
I am at work, though you do not recognize my works.
I am not strange visions. 
I am not mysteries.
Only in absolute stillness, beyond self, 
can you know me as I am, 
and then but as a feeling and a faith.
Yes I am there. Yet I hear. Yet I answer.
When you need me, I am there.
Even if you deny me, I am there.
Even when you feel most alone, I am there.
Even in your fears, I am there.
Even in your pain, I am there.
I am there when you pray and when you do not pray.
I am in you and you are in me.
Only in your mind can you feel separate from me, for
only in your mind are the mists of "yours" and "mine".
Yet only in your mind can you know me and experience me.
Empty your heart of empty fears.
When you get yourself out of the way, I am there.
You can of yourself do nothing but I can do all,
And I am all.
Though you may not see good, good is there, for I am there.
I am there because I have to be, because I am.
Only in me does the world have meaning; 
only out of me does the world take form; 
only because of me does the world go forward.
I am the laws on which the movement of the stars 
and the growth of living cells are founded.
I am the love that is the laws fulfillment.
I am assurance.
I am peace.
I am oneness.
I am the law that you can live by.
I am the love that you can cling to.
I am your assurance.
I am your peace.
I am one with you.
I am.
Though you fail to find me, I do not fail you.
Though your faith in me is unsure,
my faith in you never wavers,
because I know you, because I love you.
Beloved, I am there."

James Dillet Freeman

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The Truth will set you FREE!

by KUTE BLACKSON 

It is said that the truth will set you free,
but it might first piss you off.

Why are we so afraid of the truth?

As a culture we have devised all sorts of creative ways
to avoid the truth, often keeping ourselves so busy that
we can’t think or feel too deeply, distracting ourselves
with shopping, work, food, entertainment, drama and
all the rest.

It is our avoidance of the TRUTH that keeps us stuck
where we are, or cycling in repetitive patterns suffering.

What truth are you NOT telling?

The first step to transformation is the WILLINGNESS to tell the truth to ourselves. Then the next
step is to actually TELL it.  We must be willing to acknowledge, where we are, what is not working,
what we truly feel and what we really want.

Yet often FEAR stops us from being honest with ourselves, because it might mean changing things
 in our lives that we have gotten comfortable with. So we end up settling, or living in a lie that
doesn’t work, yet deep down we know that we are not truly alive.

We often don’t tell the truth, because we are afraid of:

- Getting hurt

- Not being loved

- Losing something, someone, status, and opinion of others

- Loss of Security and Survival

- Fear of the unknown and change

- The ego is afraid of Death

So much of our self-sabotaging patterns or negative behaviors are often our unconscious way
of actually seeking the truth. Deep within us there is an impulse that is seeking the Light. So the
energy it takes to live a lie and sadness of leading an inauthentic life is a high price to pay. 

Is it worth your freedom and happiness?

- We settle for relationships out of “convenience, but aren’t really convenient and kill our spirit.

- We work jobs we hate, and end up with high blood pressure, stress and dissatisfaction.

- We pretend to be someone we aren’t, selling ourselves out for the validation of others
and end up depressed or resentful.

You cannot be truly happy if you aren’t telling the truth to yourself. When the life we build
is based on a lie, like a sandcastle, it is only a matter of time before it crashes down.

When people say to me, “Kute, I really want to be happy.”

I simply say, ” Start telling the truth.”

Know that as a result of telling the truth and living authentically, things will change.
You may lose friends, relationships may end, you may leave your jobs, etc. Yet whatever you lose
you didn’t really have, and whatever remains then is yours. When you let go of what is not working
or not authentic in your life, you create the space for the abundant infinity of new blessings that are
already waiting for you. When you dare to be yourself fully, then what you attract will be an authentic reflection of who you really are.

Living a life based on fear is a prison. Freedom is available to us at any moment, by acknowledging
our truth, making the changes necessary and living in alignment with our highest self, we set ourselves
 free. You hold the padlock and you hold the key.

Ponder this:

Where in your life are you not telling the truth to yourself and others?

What are you avoiding acknowledging that if you did would change your life?

What are you pretending to not know or see?

What ways do you distract yourself from feeling your deepest truth?

What is it costing you in your life?

Deep down we all want TRUTH and authenticity. Gandhi said, “Truth is God”. Perhaps it is because
the Truth simply dissolves illusions that separate us from our true selves and each other.

The greatest lie that has kept us stuck, as humanity, is the belief that we are separate. When in fact
we are a unified consciousness, manifesting as a multiplicity of form, in the amazing play of life.

So, let’s begin telling the truth. Starting with: We are all ONE.

Love,

Kute

Check out more of my work at http://www.kuteblackson.com/

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How Criticism Helps You Excel

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Tiny Wisdom:

How Criticism
Helps You Excel

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by Lori Deschene

“Criticism is something
you can easily avoid
by saying nothing,
doing nothing,
and being nothing.” -Aristotle

No matter what you’re trying to do, someone somewhere has a harsh opinion.

Maybe it’s a virtual stranger. Since the advent of the Internet, people can easily vent
their judgments behind a cloak of anonymity. Most of the world’s successful people
have a Google trail laced with negativity.

Or maybe it’s someone who’s supposed to have faith in you—your father doubts your
aptitude for the legal profession, or your friend thinks your singing belongs in the shower.

Either way, it hurts. And you may lose steam as a result.

Don’t.

Barbra Streisand’s mother told her she wasn’t pretty enough to be an actress
and her voice was inadequate, to boot.

Peers criticized Albert Einstein about everything from his looks to his intelligence
as a child, yet he grew up to become the father of modern physics.

Many people in France considered Gustav Eiffel’s tower design an eyesore and
wanted it torn down.

“They” aren’t always right.

If you come against criticism today, realize it’s a gift. Whether it’s a valid suggestion
to help you improve, or a harsh judgment that reminds you to develop a thicker skin,
it can help you get closer to your dreams.



. Photo by Jen and a Camera.